Do you have the most memorable experience? I have the most memorable experience, when I went to the campus. I go to the campus by using the bus. On that day, the bus was very crowded, but I kept to get it. When I was standing near to the door of the bus, the man approached to me. I was not conscious that the man’s hand entered my bag. It happened quickly. I just realized my cell phone has been lost. After knowing my bag was already opened, I checked all the items that I brought. In the fact, my cell phone has been lost. My body became weak. I tried to find him, but he has gone. I cried when I arrived in my campus. Finally, that day became the sadness day for me.
controlling topic: when I went to the campus
Hello Nia
BalasHapusI feel sorry to read your story. Over all, you're good in writing. It's simple and what you write is really straight to the point.
But, watch out to your diction! Take a look to your 5th sentence, it's better for you to use word "come" instead of "approache".
Then, take a look to your 3rd sentence before the last sentence! If the main sentence of compound sentences is past tense, you'd better to put "had" instead of "has".
Keep on writing..!!!
hello Sigit...
BalasHapusuuhhhmmmpp...
oh, My God. I had been realized that.
Thanks a million for your advice.
Next time, I will be more careful.
^_^
Cute robber pict:-) Ok, it's nice u state ur TS, but I cannot find the CS in ur writing.. Did u forget 2 write it? Basically u succeed in developing the topic sentence; however, ur writing is still lack of more info in the supporting sentences. In line with Sigit's comment, I agree if u hafta use past perfect as the 1st event happened before another event in the past. In addition, he's also true when suggest u to be aware of the choice of words. Eg. By using bus should be "by taking bus". "Approached me" is correct, then u don't have to add "to". Mind the use of articles too, dear. All in all, it's nice 2 read this simple paragraph. Keep practicing making good paragraph, ok:-)
BalasHapus